Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Two words: blizzard sex
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
