Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
