So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
