You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
whose parrot is this?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
