You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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