Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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