I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
