Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
