Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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