woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
