today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
