I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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