The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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