so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
