my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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