1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
