I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
