But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize