I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
