I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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