If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
