i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
