im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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