actually, I'm a sock model
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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