it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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