Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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