In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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