When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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