weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
