...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
