My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
