Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
