I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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