When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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