have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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