Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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