i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
