I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
