Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't just leave with hair like that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
