i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize