can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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