my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
