the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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