It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
