Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
