yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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