Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
