Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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