i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
