I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
