Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
