So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize