i just wanna soil my oats bro
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
