apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ok first of all what the fuck
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
