Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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