not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
