dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
