She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
