Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize