Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
