so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just found a bag of teeth...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
