I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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