he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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