life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
