I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
