Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize