U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
