i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
