just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize