on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
