I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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