I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
