my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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