Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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