so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
