Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will pee on everything he values.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
