I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize