just tell him i said nine months
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
