im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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