Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
