You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My bed smells like the plague
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
