Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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