you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
