I think my vagina is haunted
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How external is "for external use only"?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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