You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
