And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
