So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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