Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
