what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
