Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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