My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
