Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
