Just mADE A PArabola og urine
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
