We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have post one night stand depression
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
