So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
