he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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