lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
